Why Do I Act the Way I Do?

Have you ever wondered why some people are terrified of heights while others crave the thrill? Or why some get frustrated in traffic while others remain calm? Our thoughts shape our perception of the world, and these perceptions spark emotional responses that ultimately drive our behaviors. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps us unravel the connection between our thoughts, emotions, and actions.

How Can Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Help?

It’s completely natural to experience a wide range of emotions - from the sorrow of losing a loved one, to the anger when our values are disrespected, to the joy of doing something we love. Yet sometimes these feelings can become overwhelming or linger longer than they should, leading us to react in ways that aren’t fully justified.

CBT helps you explore what’s happening behind the scenes. By identifying the thoughts, emotions, and urges that shape your experience, you can begin to understand your negative thought patterns.

While everyone experiences negative thoughts occasionally, stress, anxiety, or depression can create a persistent "negative filter" - as if you’re wearing dark-colored sunglasses - that distorts your view of everyday events. The goal of CBT isn’t to replace these dark lenses with rose coloured lenses to have an unrealistic, overly positive outlook, but to recognize how they influence your perception and learn how to take the glasses off and see things as they truly are.

The Thought, Emotion, and Behavior Connection

As humans, we experience up to 60,000 thoughts a day—most of which pass by without our awareness. Yet our actions and urges often occur automatically, fueled by these underlying thoughts and emotions. In life-threatening situations, such as a tiger charging at you, an instantaneous response is crucial. In everyday circumstances, however, taking a moment to examine this cycle can help you understand and adjust overwhelming or lingering feelings.

Example: Receiving a Thumbs Up

Imagine you send a message to a friend and receive nothing more than a thumbs up in reply. How might you respond? Here are two possible reactions:

Response Option 1: Anger

• Action/Behavior: Not replying, rolling your eyes, or being short.

• Emotions: Irritated or angry.

• Perception/Thoughts: "They get annoyed over trivial matters. How long does it take to send a respectful message?"

  
  

Response Option 2: Anxiety

• Action/Behavior: Apologizing, asking what you did wrong, or replaying the situation in your mind.

• Emotions: Anxious.

• Perception/Thoughts: "They must be mad at me; maybe I said something I shouldn’t have."

  
  

Understanding these cycles helps you recognize how your interpretations of simple interactions shape your emotional responses and subsequent behaviors. This awareness is the first step in managing your reactions more effectively. 

The goal isn’t to put on rose-colored glasses and force a positive spin on your friend’s response; it’s about checking your thought - are you viewing the situation through a dark, negative lens? If you are, the next step would be exploring a more balanced, reality-based perspective. 

Reshaping the Cycle with CBT

CBT teaches you to identify and reshape the thought → emotion → behavior cycle. By pinpointing your automatic thoughts and emotional responses, you can challenge unhelpful patterns and replace them with healthier, more constructive ones. In CBT, you learn specific strategies for each stage of the cycle:

• Thoughts: Recognize and challenge negative thought patterns with evidence, allowing you to see situations more clearly and realistically.

• Emotions: Use techniques such as breathing exercises, grounding, and mindfulness strategies to manage overwhelming feelings and stay in control.

• Behavior: Identify what’s hindering positive change, then take practical steps to engage in actions that support your well-being.

  
  

By practicing CBT strategies, you can gradually replace unhelpful patterns with behaviors that align with your values and goals. You can even take it a step further by exploring the roots of your automatic thought patterns (with the guidance of a therapist) to begin transforming them.

Remember, CBT isn’t about ignoring or suppressing emotions, nor is it about forcing constant positivity; it’s about developing a realistic, balanced approach to responding to the world.

Read more about different negative thought patterns.

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