Don’t Believe Everything You Think: How to Spot Distorted Thoughts
- Prachi Savani
- Mar 3
- 6 min read
Updated: Mar 3
If you’ve read my post Why Do I Think the Way I Do?, you may already be familiar with the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) cycle.
CBT helps us recognize the connection between our thoughts (cognitions) and our behaviors. Our behaviors are often influenced by our emotions, even when those emotions are subtle or difficult to recognize. Many of us are aware of our emotions or actions, but when we take a moment to reflect, we begin to see how our behaviors make sense in the context of what we were feeling at the time.
For example:
I avoid because I feel anxious.
I have the urge to hide my face because I feel embarrassed.
I have the urge to hug someone because I feel love.
Of course, one action isn’t always motivated by a single emotion—I may also hide my face if I am angry or sad.
The goal of identifying the underlying thoughts, emotions, or urges is to regain some control over how we behave, especially when our actions don’t align with our values or long-term goals.
What Are Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs)?
Automatic thoughts are thought processes that pop into our minds instantly. Sometimes, these thoughts can be irrational. When these thoughts are instant, habitual, and irrational, we refer to them as automatic negative thoughts (ANTs).
Our thoughts can often feel true, even when they are distorted from reality - much like looking into a circus mirror, where our reflection appears shorter, wider, or stretched in an exaggerated way.
The goal is not to change every thought that leads to unpleasant emotions. Instead, we aim to identify thoughts that are distorted from reality. This distortion can be:
Overly negative: "My partner broke up with me - nobody will ever want to be with me - I will be single forever."
Overly positive: "My partner broke up with me because they love me so much - I'm so glad! Now there's extra space in the bed - I’ll find someone tomorrow at the bar."
Both are extremes. CBT strategies help us recognize these distortions using the list of cognitive distortions below. Once identified, we can challenge these thoughts using the evidence we have in the moment, allowing us to see things in a more balanced, realistic way. This helps us experience emotions that are appropriate to the situation and respond in ways that align with our values and long-term goals.
This article focuses specifically on automatic negative thoughts. Everyone experiences distorted thinking from time to time, and we likely always will. However, the intensity and frequency of these thoughts vary depending on our mindset and mood. Stress, anxiety, and depression can amplify them, making them more frequent and intense.
The goal is to identify distorted thinking and bring it back to reality. With practice, you’ll be able to recognize and challenge these thoughts more quickly. At first, working with thoughts in hindsight or in preparation for future situations can be a helpful starting point.
Example: “The Missed Text Response” – Breaking Down Common Distortions
There are some common patterns of distorted thinking that can help you identify when your thoughts may be inaccurate.
Imagine this scenario: You text a friend about making weekend plans, and hours go by without a response. You start feeling anxious and overthinking the situation.
Here’s some examples of how different cognitive distortions might show up:
All-or-Nothing Thinking
When our thoughts assume a this or that approach, also known as black-or-white thinking. The situation falls in either bucket, nowhere else to go.
“They must not like me as a friend.”
This thought assumes my friend either likes me or doesn’t. In reality, one unanswered text isn’t enough evidence to confirm that my friend dislikes me.
Overgeneralization
Using terms like never or always, making one (or some) situation(s) define an entire pattern.
"Nobody ever replies to me.”
“This person always ignores my messages.”
This may not be true—other people likely do reply to your messages, and this person has probably responded in the past.
Mental Filtering
Only focusing on the negative aspects of a situation while filtering out the positives.
“This has been such a bad day.”
Your friend’s lack of response may have led to moments of discomfort, but there may have been other parts of your day that were neutral or even good.
Minimisation or maximisation
Just like minimizing or maximising a window on a computer screen, this distortion makes a situation seem smaller or bigger than it actually is.
Minimization:
“No, don’t worry, it didn’t bother me at all that you didn’t respond.”
If it actually did bother you, acknowledging it may lead to understanding or reassurance from your friend.
Maximization:
“If they don’t reply, there’s no point in ever messaging them again.”
Their non-response may have upset you, but never messaging them again might prevent meaningful experiences or valued relationships.
Jumping to Conclusions
Assuming we know what others are thinking and feeling, or what will happen in the future.
Mind Reading:
“They must think I’m such a loser.”
Fortune Telling:
“They’re probably never going to respond and will hang out with other friends instead.”
We don’t have the ability to read people’s minds or predict the future. While we may infer meaning from an expression or action, we can sometimes be wrong.
Catastrophizing
Taking fortune telling a step further and assuming the worst possible outcome.
“They will never reply, they will tell all our other friends I’m a loser, and I will never have any friends and be alone forever.”
We don’t know that this worst-case scenario will happen. It is unlikely that everything will spiral as dramatically as we fear.
Emotional Reasoning
When we give more importance to our emotions and base our conclusion solely on our emotional sense. I feel, therefore it must be true.
“I feel like something is wrong, so something must be wrong.”
Emotions are not facts. We might be neglecting the facts that also play a role in the situation.
Should Statements
Our internal rulebook about how we think we, others, or the world should be.
Not every should statement is a rigid rule (e.g., "We should eat before we leave for the party"). However, when it stems from an expectation we hold for ourselves or others - rather than a general guideline - it can fall into this distortion.
"A good friend would reply as soon as they see the message."
Even though this statement doesn’t explicitly use the word should, it implies a rule - a good friend must always respond quickly. But there is no universal rulebook stating that this is how friendships must function.
Having a preference for people to reply as soon as they see your message is okay, as long as it’s not tied to a rigid expectation that things must go your way.
Labeling
Labels are for jars, not for people. When we see a jar labeled cookies, we expect to find cookies in it (Except in Asian households, where tins labeled cookies often have sewing kits in them).
"They are insensitive and disorganized for not responding to me."
There may be times when your friend doesn’t match the definition of insensitive or disorganized. Labeling them (or yourself) in this way can lead to unfair judgments.
Sometimes, even positive labels can create stress. E.g., "Bob is so smart." The expectation for Bob to always match this label can lead to stress and anxiety - especially in moments when she doesn’t feel like she’s living up to the definition of smart.
Personalization
Personalization is assuming that 100% of the cause is you. In reality, other factors may also be contributing to the situation.
"I must have done something wrong."
There could be many reasons for your friend’s delayed or non-response – they might be busy with work, have their phone on silent, or simply haven’t had a chance to reply yet.
Recognizing your thought-emotion-behavior cycle is the first step. Try asking yourself:
What am I feeling?
E.g., Anxious
How am I perceiving the situation?
E.g., "They are mad at me."
Does my thought fall into any of these 10 distortions?
E.g., Mind reading
Is there a more balanced way to see this?
E.g., "I can’t read their mind. I’ll only know if they’re upset if they tell me."
What action would be helpful right now?
E.g., Put my phone away and focus on my day.
Or, work backwards:
What am I doing?
Checking my phone constantly for their response.
What would be a more helpful action?
Putting my phone away and focusing on my day.
What thoughts would help me do this?
"My friend usually responds. This delay is unusual, but not necessarily bad. If there’s an issue, I’ll handle it when I know for sure."
Not all negative thoughts are distorted - sometimes they reflect reality. In those cases, problem-solving is more useful than challenging the thought.
If you're struggling to recognize distortions or feel stuck in negative thought patterns, working with a therapist can be helpful in gaining clarity and ensuring you're not dismissing valid concerns.
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