Think Smarter: Practical Steps to Balanced Thinking

As human beings, we all experience thoughts that can sometimes be skewed toward the negative. Our minds naturally engage in certain thinking patterns—known as cognitive distortions—that can cloud our judgment and affect how we perceive situations. These distorted thoughts are a universal part of human nature, something we all encounter at times.

If you're curious to dive deeper into how these distortions work, Don’t Believe Everything You Think: How to Spot Distorted Thoughts offers a detailed explanation.

The good news is that with the right strategies, we can challenge and reshape these skewed thoughts, guiding them toward a more balanced and realistic perspective.

Our goal is not to force a positively skewed outlook but to develop a perspective that is grounded in the present and rooted in reality.

Here are some practical tips on how to shift your mind to a more balanced perspective.

Cognitive Distortion	Description	Finding Balance	Example
All or Nothing Thinking	Seeing things in extremes—black or white, all or nothing.	Find the grey area. Life is rarely just one way or the other.	Distorted Thought: If this project doesn't go well, I am a failure. Balanced Thought: Even though this project didn’t go as planned, it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. I’ve done many things well, and this experience taught me something valuable I can use next time.
Overgeneralisation	Using words like always or never based on one experience.	Stay focused on describing only this situation. Every event is unique.	Distorted Thought: I always have to do all the cleaning -nobody ever helps. Balanced Thought: Right now, I’m doing the dishes, and my partner is in the room. There have been times they’ve helped in other ways, even if it doesn’t always happen when I want it to.
Mental Filtering	Only focusing on the negatives and ignoring the positives.	Identify the positives so you have a well-rounded perspective.	Distorted Thought: Today was such a bad day. Balanced Thought: I felt really anxious in the evening, but I also had a lovely walk with my friend in the morning. The whole day wasn’t bad—just parts of it were tough.
Minimisation or Maximisation	Making something seem smaller or bigger than it actually is.	Stay grounded in reality and facts. State things in an objective manner.	Distorted Thought (Minimisation): John told me my work was impressive. He’s just being nice—I don’t really think my work is anything special. Balanced Thought: John told me my work was impressive. I’ll try to take that in without brushing it off.
Mind Reading	Assuming you know what others are thinking.	Remind yourself that you cannot read minds. Describe only what you can see or hear.	Distorted Thought: They must think I’m so annoying for talking so much—why can’t I just keep quiet? Balanced Thought: I actually don’t know what they’re thinking. They were nodding, which could mean they were engaged or interested. I don’t need to assume the worst.
Fortune Telling	Assuming you know what will happen in the future.	Notice that you cannot predict the future. Focus on what you know for sure right now.	Distorted Thought: If I go to the wedding, everyone will ask me why I’m still single, and I’ll feel humiliated the whole time. Balanced Thought: I can’t predict exactly how people will respond. What I know is some people do ask questions and others don't. I can choose how much I engage and remind myself I’m allowed to enjoy the event without having all the answers.
Catastrophising	Assuming the worst-case scenario.	Identify the best-case scenario and find a realistic middle ground. State the hard facts you have in this moment.	Distorted Thought: If I miss my connecting flight, I’ll be stranded in a foreign country with no help and the whole trip will fall apart. Balanced Thought Process: Best-case scenario: I make my connection with no issues and arrive on time. Worst-case scenario: I miss my flight and the trip is ruined. Balanced Thought/Realistic middle ground: If I miss my flight, I can speak to the airline staff, rebook, and possibly stay at a nearby hotel. It’ll be inconvenient but manageable. Helpful Facts: My current flight is on time, I have a valid passport and visa, and I know how to contact the airline if needed. I’m not alone in this - I’ve planned and prepared as best I can.
Emotional Reasoning	Believing something is true just because you feel it.	Identify some objective facts to balance your emotions.	Distorted Thought: I feel anxious - something bad is going to happen. Balanced Thought: Just because I feel anxious doesn’t mean something bad will happen. I’ve felt this way before, and things turned out okay. I have everything I need for the presentation, and my manager will be there to support me.
Should Statements	Creating rigid rules about how you, others, or the world should be.	Change your should to a preference. Flexibility leads to less frustration.	Distorted Thought: People should respond even if they intend on declining the invitation. Balanced Thought: I’d prefer if everyone responded in a timely manner, even to decline, but not everyone sees things the same way. People have different communication styles and priorities.
Labelling	Calling yourself or others names (e.g., I’m a failure).	Be objective. Describe actions, not identities.	Distorted Thought: I'm a loser Balanced Thought: I don’t have any plans this weekend - that’s just a fact, not a reflection of who I am.
Personalisation	Assuming you are at fault for everything.	Consider other factors that may have contributed to the situation.	Distorted Thought: I shouldn’t have told the interviewer about my plans to travel. Balanced Thought: There could have been many reasons I didn’t get the job;like someone more experienced applying, a different skill set being needed, or not being the right cultural fit. It’s unlikely that one comment decided the outcome.

With practice, your ability to notice and challenge your thoughts will become stronger. You can practice by following the following steps:

1. Identify a situation that triggers anxiety, stress, or anger.

2. Observe the thoughts driving your emotions.

3. Assess whether the thoughts fall into any of the cognitive distortions listed above.

4. Use the strategies outlined in the balanced thought section to reframe your thinking with a more realistic perspective.

5. When those emotions arise, consciously replace the original thought with your new, balanced perspective.

6. If your emotional intensity remains high, revisit steps 2-5, exploring other possible thoughts that may be influencing your reaction.

I want more help with this