I See You: A Guide to Practicing True Validation

When a friend is upset, you sit with them, offer a cup of tea, or simply hand them a tissue. Your actions say, I see you.

When your partner vents about an annoying coworker, and you respond, Yeah, that sounds frustrating, your words say, I hear you.

Validation is the act of acknowledging and accepting someone's feelings, thoughts, or experiences without judgment. It communicates, I see you, I hear you, and what you feel makes sense.

Validation doesn’t mean agreeing; it simply means recognizing and respecting someone’s emotions as real and important.

Validation feels natural when we relate to someone’s experience. But what about when we don’t? What happens when we would have handled things differently, don’t share their perspective, or feel misunderstood ourselves?

Why Validate When We Don’t Agree?

Does validating someone mean pretending to agree? Not at all. But dismissing them - saying You’re overreacting or That doesn’t make sense - doesn’t help either.

Validation isn’t about saying You’re right. It’s about saying, I see you. I hear you. Your feelings make sense in some way. And often, that’s all a person needs to feel understood.

Once we establish understanding, we can then set boundaries and correct what is invalid.

For example, if my child bites another child out of anger,

I can say: "I see that you were really frustrated" (validating their emotions)

"And biting is not okay" (setting a clear boundary).

Understanding Invalidation

To grasp validation, we first need to recognize invalidation - the act of dismissing or rejecting someone's experience. It happens when we minimize emotions, brush off concerns, or fail to acknowledge someone’s perspective.

Imagine telling your partner how overwhelmed you feel, and they respond with: You’re overreacting.What you actually hear is: I don’t understand you.

And maybe, objectively, you are overreacting. But hearing it outright doesn’t help - it only creates distance. A validating response doesn’t require agreement. Instead, it acknowledges the experience: "I can see why you’d feel that way."

Validation bridges the gap. And sometimes, feeling understood is enough to make all the difference.

How to validate someone

By definition, validation is “the act of confirming something as true or correct.” But in relationships, validation isn’t about blindly agreeing or forcing a perspective to be true. It’s about recognizing that there is some truth in someone’s experience—even if it’s just from their point of view.

The most powerful validation is authentic. It happens when you genuinely believe what you’re saying and when your words align with the truth.

• Validate with words: "I can see that this is painful for you." “That makes sense given what you have been through”

  
  

• Validate with actions: Offering a tissue, giving a hug, or reaching out a hand. These small gestures communicate "I see your pain" without needing words.

  
  

Avoiding "Empty Validation"

Validation loses its power when actions and words don’t align. Imagine this:

You’re standing on someone’s foot, and they wince in pain. You say, "I can see that hurts you," but you don’t move your foot.

That’s not validation—it’s acknowledgment without action. True validation requires both recognizing someone’s experience and responding in a way that shows you understand.

When done right, validation fosters connection, trust, and understanding—the foundation of meaningful relationships.

Ways to Validate with Words

1. Describe what you notice: 

   "I can see that you're scared."

2. Reflect their experience back to them: 

   "So what you're saying is, when I walk away after an argument, you think I don’t love you."

3. Acknowledge their feelings in context: 

   "I know you’ve been really stressed, so it makes sense that you feel like I’m against you."

4. Recognize how past experiences shape their response: 

   "I know you’ve struggled to trust in past relationships, so I understand why it’s hard for you to trust me now."

   
   

Validation is not about saying, “You’re right for feeling this way.” It’s about saying, “Given your perspective, this reaction makes sense.”

Balancing Validation with Reality

Validation doesn’t mean ignoring what’s irrational or unhealthy—it can exist alongside gentle reality-checks.

For example:

• "I know you don’t feel like going to work today… and you’ve made a commitment and have responsibilities."

• "I understand that when I walk away, you think I don't love you, so you follow me… and I really need space to process my thoughts and emotions."

• "I understand that past relationships have made trusting difficult… and it’s overwhelming when you keep calling while I’m out."

• "I get that you’re upset… and it’s not okay to lash out at me."

  
  

Validation acknowledges feelings without reinforcing unhelpful behaviors. It creates space for connection while also holding boundaries.

What If You Don’t Get It?

You don’t have to fully understand someone’s experience to validate it. It’s okay not to have all the answers. What matters is recognizing that their emotions are real, even if their perspective differs from yours. Dismissing emotions with “Just get over it” won’t make them disappear—it only makes the other person feel unseen and unheard.

Validation doesn’t require complete understanding—it requires openness. If you’re struggling to see their point of view, try saying:

• "I don’t fully get it, and I can see that this is really bothering you. Can you help me understand?"

• "I want to get it, but I’m not in the right space for this conversation right now. Can we come back to it later?"

• "I may not feel the same way, but I can see that this is important to you.”

At the heart of it all, validation is about connection. It’s about seeing, hearing, and understanding—not necessarily agreeing. And sometimes, that’s all a person really needs.