From Survival to Freedom: Rewriting the Beliefs That No Longer Serve You
- Prachi Savani
- Apr 23
- 5 min read
Where Do Core Beliefs Come From?
(The Building Blocks of How We See Ourselves, Others, and the World)
When we’re born, we don’t have fixed ideas about ourselves, other people, or the world. In a way, we start as blank slates – open to experience and meaning-making. But over time, especially in childhood, we begin to form core beliefs: deep, often unconscious ideas like “I’m not good enough,” “The world is unsafe,” or “I must always please others to be loved.”
These beliefs are shaped by:
The emotional tone of our early relationships
Repeated verbal and non-verbal messages
The environment we grow up in (e.g. safe vs. threatening)
Significant or traumatic life events – even later in life
Children interpret the world with an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex, meaning their thinking is concrete and emotional rather than abstract or logical. They often see things in black and white: I’m good or bad, safe or unsafe. This makes them especially sensitive to emotional cues from caregivers.
I remember visiting the zoo with some friends and their children. As Elsa (name changed for privacy) stood on a log, I asked her, “How does the world look from up here?” She looked around and replied, “I don’t know – I can’t see the whole world from here.”
It made me smile, but it was also a reminder: children don’t yet grasp metaphor. Their interpretation is literal. If Elsa were to drop her ice cream and I jokingly called her “stupid,” she might not recognise it as a joke. And while one comment won’t shape a belief, repeated messages – spoken or unspoken – can start to solidify into a story she carries about herself.
As children, we absorb information both explicitly (e.g. “You’re a good girl”) and implicitly (e.g. Mum gets angry when I cry, so I shouldn’t cry). Our early caregivers – parents, grandparents, teachers, or any significant adult – play a central role in shaping these belief systems.
While many core beliefs are shaped in childhood, traumatic or significant life events can also create or reinforce them later in life. For example: I may have grown up believing the world is generally a safe place. But after experiencing a robbery at home, I might start to behave as if danger is everywhere – checking locks, installing cameras, avoiding going out alone. My actions may feel instinctual, but they’re often driven by an unconscious belief: the world is not safe.
For me, growing up in Kenya meant that safety was always top of mind. My parents were protective – we had multiple locks, alarm systems, and curfews. While this made sense in that context, those messages began to shape my rules for living:
I must not go out alone at night
I must always be alert
I must never look vulnerable
What I didn’t realise at the time was that these rules were reinforcing my deepest belief: the world is not safe.
Why They Still Feel So True (Even When They’re Not)
(How Our Minds Keep Reinforcing Old Stories)
Once formed, core beliefs act like filters. We begin to notice and remember experiences that reinforce them, while discounting ones that contradict them. This psychological process is called confirmation bias.
Each core belief often brings with it a set of "rules for living" – strategies we unconsciously adopt to protect ourselves. For example:
If I believe “I’m not good enough,” I might develop the rule: “I must always achieve to prove my worth.”
If I believe “The world isn’t safe,” I might follow the rule: “I must avoid going out alone.”
These rules help us avoid triggering distress. But when life circumstances challenge or break our rules, distress often follows – showing up as anxiety, anger, or sadness. That emotional reaction is often a clue: a core belief has just been activated.
When I moved to Australia, I felt intense discomfort living in a home without multiple locks. Logically, I knew crime wasn’t as prevalent here – but emotionally, my body responded as if I were still in Kenya. My rule (“always secure all doors”) was broken, and my core belief (“the world is not safe”) roared back to life.
Spotting the Hidden Beliefs Beneath Your Reactions
(The Clues Are in Your Emotions, Habits, and Self-Talk)
Core beliefs are often hidden beneath our everyday thoughts and behaviours. But you can start uncovering them by asking yourself:
What am I afraid might happen?
What does this reaction say about how I see myself or the world?
What would it mean about me if this went wrong?
Moments of distress – like avoiding a social event, feeling overly responsible for others, or replaying a mistake – can often be traced back to a belief.
If speaking up triggers panic, ask: “If I spoke up, what am I afraid it would mean?”
The answer might reveal a belief like “I’m selfish if I put myself first” or “I’m unlovable if I disappoint others.”
You might also start to notice patterns:
Certain types of criticism hit harder than others
You react strongly in situations where others don’t
You hold yourself to extreme standards that don’t apply to anyone else
These moments are not flaws – they’re signals. They point to beliefs formed long ago, often in a different context.
Breaking Free: Small Shifts That Loosen Old Beliefs
(What to Do When You’re Ready to Think and Feel Differently)
The good news? Core beliefs can change – but it takes awareness, consistency, and self-compassion. Here’s how you can begin:
Gently challenge the rule Start small. If your rule is “I must always avoid conflict,” try expressing a small preference. You don’t need to dive into deep confrontation – but each time you act outside your rule, you show your brain a new way of being.
When I avoided going places alone in Australia, I didn’t jump into danger to prove a point. I simply took the bus to the city at 11am. That gentle action told my nervous system: I can handle this.
And I realised something else too: even back in Kenya, not everyone followed those extreme safety rules. Many women lived full, independent lives, navigating the same risks with balance and awareness – not fear. The rules that we had in our home were a bit extreme.
Build new evidence Look for moments that contradict the belief. Did someone respond kindly when you made a mistake? Did you enjoy a solo walk without anything bad happening? These aren’t just nice experiences – they’re data points that soften the belief over time.
Talk back to the belief Use CBT-style self-talk:
“Just because I feel unsafe doesn’t mean I am unsafe.”
“This belief made sense when I was young – but it may not fit anymore.”
“I’m allowed to rewrite the rules.”
Seek support Therapy can help uncover and gently challenge beliefs that feel too big to shift alone. Sometimes just saying the belief aloud (“I feel like I’ll never be good enough”) opens the door to healing.
How Therapy Helps You Rewrite the Story
(Healing, Reclaiming, and Creating a New Way Forward)
In therapy, I support my clients in gently uncovering the deeper beliefs that may be shaping their thoughts, emotions, or behaviours. Together, we explore where these beliefs might have come from – often tracing them back to early experiences or protective strategies developed in childhood.
We learn to approach these parts of ourselves with compassion, recognising that they were simply trying to help us survive at the time. As adults, we now have the capacity – through our fully developed prefrontal cortex – to revisit and reprocess these memories with greater nuance, rather than through the black-and-white lens of childhood.
We also identify the “rules for living” that may be keeping us stuck – rules that once kept us safe, but now limit us. Through small, meaningful steps, we begin to gently challenge these rules and loosen the grip of the underlying core belief.
Therapy can be a powerful space for healing – not only to make peace with the past, but to reclaim the present. It allows us to step into a life that feels more aligned, more free, and more true. Through curiosity, compassion, and support, real change becomes possible.
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